Divorce is rarely easy, but some couples manage to navigate the process with a minimum of animosity – especially if they make conscious choices about trying to negotiate a fair and reasonable split and approach each other with kindness.
Your hopes of an amicable split, however, can go out the window really fast if you make a few key mistakes. Here are three “wrong moves” you can make that will turn your divorce into the stuff of nightmares:
1. Start blasting your feelings on social media
You may be very accustomed to sharing the details of your life on your social media page – but you may want to keep the vast majority of your feelings about your divorce (and your spouse) to yourself if you want your divorce to go smoothly. One acerbic or disparaging post about your spouse can cause hard feelings to rise to the surface and turn what might have been a reasonably cooperative negotiation process about custody, support and the division of marital assets and debts into a battle. Step away from your keyboard for the duration.
2. Start dating before the divorce is final
You may have emotionally moved on from your marriage a while ago – long before the paperwork on the divorce gets started. Your spouse may not quite be on the same page. Even if they initiated the divorce, seeing you happily (and publicly) embrace a new partner may stir up a lot of embarrassment and hurt on their end. If you’re looking to avoid unnecessary drama, hold off on dating until the ink is dry on your divorce.
3. Fight over the small stuff
Change can be hard – but resist the urge to cling to the past, especially if that means fighting over things that can be replaced, like household goods and furnishings. Sit down and make a priority list of what really matters the most to you in your divorce and try to be generous with your spouse about everything else. Small acts of goodwill – like letting your spouse keep the glassware from the wedding even though it came from your great aunt – can buy you a lot of cooperation during this process. Meanwhile, fighting over every small object can erode any chance of an amicable split.
It’s always wise to have sound legal guidance from the start of your divorce, but it’s equally important to consider how you want your divorce to proceed and act in a way that makes that more possible.